While going to a battered women’s shelter can be a life-saving option for many victims, there are serious limitations to what any shelter can offer.
If you succeed in leaving your abuser, he may become obsessed with tracking you down. The established domestic violence shelter system may or may not work for you.
Using the shelter network may be possible, but it will be more complicated for you because your abuser is in law enforcement.
Police officers have access to information, including the locations of local shelters and the ability to discover the location of any shelter. Your batterer may remind you that he works closely with shelter staff. His message is clear: "Don't bother going to them, they know me; they won’t believe you."
You may be very reluctant to confide in any advocate. Your fears are well-grounded about using any established system:
As you may already have learned, you can't just call a shelter and "reserve" a room. Shelters are often filled to capacity. Shelter intake policies vary, but most shelters only take women who are in immediate danger.
Shelter staff are required to interview you on the phone to make sure that you are eligible for shelter services. The way you tell your story and how you answer their questions will determine whether you are accepted into the shelter. They usually ask you if there has been recent physical abuse and if you are in immediate danger. They may require you to have or to get an Order of Protection.
They will ask questions regarding your physical and mental health. Some shelters hesitate to accept women who have a history of mental illness. They will also ask if you have any special needs and if you are on any medications. They will ask if you have any alcohol or drug problems.
They may ask questions about your abuser, including what his occupation is. They may hesitate accepting you because your abuser is a firefighter or police officer. They may consider you a security risk, or they may not want to threaten their relationship with local law enforcement.
Staff will ask you if you have children with you. Many shelters do not take boys who are over 12 years old. If you have several children it might be harder to find a shelter that has enough space to accommodate you.
The shelter may not accept you if your abuser has filed criminal charges against you. You may be prevented from receiving victim services if he has an Order of Protection naming you as the perpetrator. Talk to an attorney or legal advocate about counter-petitioning for your own Order of Protection or vacating the abuser's Order.
If you do go to a shelter, you and shelter staff must review the pros and cons of notifying local police. If there is reason to believe that they will extend "professional courtesy" to another officer and respond to his inquiries about your whereabouts, then the police should not be notified. If you both trust the local department to respond appropriately, then they should alert the police about your batterer’s likely attempts to locate and harm you.