I left a man — a firefighter — who had a well-documented history of violence on the job. But because the violence that was documented had not been perpetrated towards either me or my daughter, he and I started on equal footing in a custody and visitation battle. That battle finally culminated three and a half years later with his arrest on felony charges — aggravated battery towards three police officers and endangering the life of our child. Police officers had now been the recipient of his violence, and that is considered serious violence.
Their charges against him have stopped his violence towards me — he is on his best behavior — for now. My divorce judge, my daughter's GAL, and the court psychologist all now view him as a dangerous man. Before he attacked those cops, everyone thought his anger and violence towards me were "understandable" given our pending divorce.
The last three and a half years have been a waste of a lifetime. Nothing prepared me for the frustration of being victimized all over again. I did what every DV agency suggested I do — leave. To this day, as his criminal trial nears, neither I nor my daughter has an Order of Protection. When we leave the house in the morning, I look beyond my car towards the trees and the bushes to see if he is waiting for us. I drive looking in my rearview mirror to see if he is following us. I wonder if this being afraid will ever end.
My life has changed forever and so has my daughter's — my husband's life is relatively the same. He still works for the city as a firefighter, enjoying all the privileges it officially and unofficially affords. After three and a half years he has just started paying child support — less than 10% of his earned income. The union representative goes to his criminal hearings to ensure that his job is protected.
I will never understand or accept why the courts, police officers, police department and fire department officials look the other way and accept his behavior as a "family matter." Their attitude is that because he is still my husband he can beat me up at will. Crime is crime — whether the perpetrator is a stranger or a spouse, even if that spouse is a City of Chicago Firefighter. The physical pain and emotional damage is done. Even if he is convicted of battery against the police officers, I will always know and wonder why no one cared when he battered me.
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