Abuse of Power

THE clearinghouse on police-perpetrated domestic violence

...our need to be heard is overcoming our fear

Andrea's Story

"Mom, she's not what you think she is," is what my daughter used to say about her police officer partner. She described multiple illegal activities her partner had been involved in. I was aware of some of them and have to admit I didn't expect a police officer to behave that way. In fact, her partner frequently laughed at things she and her officer friends got by with, up to and including the police chief. However, I was raised to believe cops were good and dismissed my concerns. That was before I knew exactly what she was capable of, she and the department.

There was a history of my daughter's partner abusing her both physically and emotionally. I witnessed it on several occasions. Her partner often called her names, restrained her in police holds and wouldn't allow her to work, keeping her totally dependent. When my daughter would say she was leaving, her partner would smirk and say, "Oh yeah, with what money?' I discussed my concerns with my daughter and her partner. Her partner would always blame my daughter for their problems. She was very convincing and I would wonder if she was right and my child really was to blame. It wasn't until later that I discovered what a truly skilled liar this police officer was.

The abuse of my daughter finally ended. Tragically, it took her death to put a stop to it. She was shot in the head with her partner's duty weapon. I don't imagine anyone reading this will be surprised it was officially ruled a suicide by the friends and co-workers of her partner; despite a laundry list of inconsistencies and unanswered questions surrounding her death. I have little hope the truth will ever be known. When I ask the police department about my questions, they become belligerent. When I told them about the domestic violence that preceded her death, they said, "Sorry, your daughter can't make a statement, so there is nothing we can do."

Following the funeral, I discovered her partner had been having an affair with another woman. She started staying with her new girlfriend immediately, even before the funeral. At the same time she was pretending to grieve the loss of my daughter. She even invited her girlfriend to my daughter's funeral and the woman came.

I decided to share this story as a message to other mothers who have children in relationships where things just don't seem right. Believe your child, listen to everything they say, don't agree to cover up what you know is wrong to protect anyone. Sometimes you don't get a second chance. If there were one thing I could say to my daughter at this point in time, it would be:

Honey, she's exactly what I think she is!!!