Keep your safety the primary consideration in every decision you make. You are particularly vulnerable because you must rely on the integrity and discretion of your fellow officers and supervisors to intervene and provide protection.
Trust that you know your safest course of action.
Others may give you advice, but you know your abuser better than anyone else. You are in the best position to predict what s/he will do in retaliation for what you or others do.
When exploring your options, consider what you already know about your employing department. This might help you predict how the department will respond if you report the abuse. It will also help you decide what action you are willing to take.
How a department responds when an employee or employees are involved in domestic abuse defines the integrity, philosophy and policy of the agency.
Proactive interventions include:
Consult an attorney about your rights and what legal recourse is available if the department discriminates against you or fails to accommodate your safety needs on the job.
Your department may offer in-house counseling resources, but many officers don't trust its confidentiality. Consider getting counseling and legal information from a community domestic violence agency.
Community domestic violence counselors/advocates are mandated to honor your confidentiality.
Though they are not likely to be experts on the police or firefighting culture, they understand the dynamics of power and control. They can help you weigh your options and work out a safety plan.
Going to a domestic violence agency or support group in your area can certainly be awkward. You may have been or even will be the responding officer to domestic calls from the women in the support group. You may provide security for your local shelter. You may be afraid that identifying yourself as a domestic violence victim will shatter their confidence that you are able to protect them.
If you are hesitant about contacting a local agency, consider calling the National Domestic Violence Hotline for a referral outside your immediate area. You can also contact us for information and assistance.
Determine whether it's benficial to inform the department that you are receiving counseling at a community agency. They may be more vigilant if they know someone outside of the department is monitoring their response.
Be aware that you won't be able to receive services if your abuser accessed counseling or legal services first by claiming to be the victim. We are finding that more men are using this tactic.
Finding respite in a domestic violence shelter may not be a viable option for you because your abuser knows the location of shelters in your area.
Lesbian officers face additional dilemmas. Not all domestic violence counselors are comfortable working with lesbian victims. Some counselors and community resource providers are not knowledgeable about or sensitive to lesbian issues.
If you are not out, going to anyone for help means revealing your secret. Your local GLBT organization may be able to provide general support and counseling. You can call the National Gay and Lesbian Hotline to learn about resources in your area.
Consider all the ramifications of getting an order of protection. You may want to avoid involving the court or the department in your personal life. You may know that getting an order will only escalate the abuser's violence. You may not want to hurt either of your careers. Know your department's policy regarding protective orders.
Pressing criminal charges or seeking an order means you will have to divulge your private life to court personnel. This may not only be personally awkward, but professionally risky. The judges, prosecutors, clerks and other staff may change their way of relating to you after they learn that you are a victim.
Law enforcement agencies have a degree of authority over officers, within the bounds of collective bargaining agreements and state law, which may provide a type of protective order outside the civil or criminal court system.
An Administrative Order of Protection is a direct order from command level to refrain from specific conduct, such as going to your home and workplace, or contacting you via phone, e-mail, or a third party. It is enforceable by the department and if the officer violates it, the department can discipline him for insubordination. Explore this option in place of or in addition to any civil order.
There are many firefighters and police officers who are surviving abusive relationships.
Knowing that other women have dealt with these issues may help you regain control of your life. We suggest that you read our book Crossing the Threshold. It will help you understand the network of power within which abusive officers operate. Also consider contacting some of the organizations listed on our Links page for support.
Advocate that your police and fire associations include officer-involved domestic violence training at conferences. The International Association of Women Police and Women in Federal Law Enforcement are national organizations that advocate for women in law enforcement.The International Association of Women in Fire & Emergency Services and National Association of Female Paramedics are also strong advocates.
Remember that you are the only one with enough information to make a totally informed decision regarding your own safety. If you want to discuss your options before taking specific steps, contact Diane Wetendorf.
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