FALSE! Many people believe mothers commonly use abuse allegations in custody and divorce litigation to gain a tactical advantage. Research consistently shows that sexual abuse allegations are not common during custody litigation.
In most cases where abuse was not substantiated, the allegations were believed to have been made in good faith and based on genuine suspicions.
When false allegations are raised, it's not always mothers accusing fathers. Research indicates that fathers are more likely to fabricate accusations than mothers.
FALSE! The greater the amount of violence against a spouse, the greater the probability of physical child abuse by the abuser. Research also shows an overlap between domestic violence and child sexual abuse.
Fathers who batter their children's mothers can be expected to use abusive power and control techniques to control the children too. Battered mothers often fear for the safety of their children — especially after separation when they are not present to protect the child.
A child doesn't have to be physically or sexually abused to be harmed by domestic violence. Children exposed to domestic violence can suffer emotional and behavioral problems similar to children who were the direct victims of physical or sexual abuse.
FALSE! Men who ask for custody of their children often get it, whether or not they have a history of violence. An abusive man is more likely than a nonviolent father to seek sole physical custody of his children and may be just as likely (or even more likely) to be awarded custody as the mother.
Raising allegations of abuse often hurts the abused mother. Women who tell custody mediators they are victims of domestic violence often receive less favorable custody decisions. Courts may ignore or minimize reports of abuse. Mothers feel punished for trying to protect their children and threatened with sanctions if they "talked publicly" about the case. Many lose custody in emergency ex parte proceedings (where they were neither notified nor present).
FALSE! Fit mothers lose custody because many judges believe they exaggerate violence incidents to manipulate the courts. Offenders often appear to be the perfect parent during court appearances. Mothers often appear overly concerned with the safety of their children. Some lawyers advise women not to tell courts or mediators about child abuse or domestic violence because, by doing so, they risk losing custody to the abuser.
Family courts often favor joint custody arrangements. When this isn't possible, they favor the parent who appears most "friendly" to joint custody. Friendly parent preferences tend to favor abusers who rarely object to the mother having access to the child. Protective parents, on the other hand, frequently seek to limit a violent parent's access to the child. The very act of raising concerns of abuse, suggests to the court that the protective parent is inherently "unfriendly" and should therefore be denied custody.
This material is a summary of the article "Myths that Place Children at Risk During Custody Litigation" by Stephanie Dallam & JL Silberg. We encourage you to read the entire article.
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Batterers, custody & visitation
A great resource:
Leadership Council on Child Abuse & Interpersonal Violence