Abuse of Power

THE clearinghouse on police-perpetrated domestic violence

...providing a needed resource for victims and advocates

Article Section

Crossing the Threshold:
Female Officers and Police-Perpetrated Domestic Violence (Excerpt)

Prologue by Commander Krista Osborne, Ph. D. (Ret.)

Set aside your training, your engrained, reactionary, "within seconds respond and make a decision" mentality. Look through all of that to your inner core. Allow your recollections of words shared as you pass by in a hallway, at home or at work float back to the forefront. Remember words and inflection exchanged as you sit car-to-car, or as you sit on a perimeter for hours on end. Let those words speak to you again.

Recall the volumes of shared statements spoken only through a glance — let them speak to you again. Hear that bold statement of visual communication as it sinks in. Put down the ramming shield, your protective armor just far enough to let the unjaded, child-like levels of awareness be heard. For these are the moments we are truest to ourselves, truest to our souls. As you read, give this gift to yourself. It is something no one can take from you. It is okay to say, "Oh, my God, that's me." No one will hear that as you read silently, to yourself.

The only true badge of courage that any of us can wear is one that is legitimized once the truth is acknowledged — our truth is acknowledged — as fact, as reality. This is the single, untarnished shield that exists. Wear this badge of courage proudly.

To have acknowledged and embraced the truth brings inner peace, acceptance, forgiveness, and the ability to forge ahead, to mark change. In turn, you honor your oath of service to your community, to your profession, to your badge, and most importantly, to yourself.

Author’s Note by Diane Wetendorf

I am an advocate, so I write from an advocate's perspective. I do not claim to speak for all advocates. I have spoken to thousands of victims, and I feel that qualifies me to speak from the perspective of at least some of them. I do not claim to speak for all of them. Included in the population of police victims I've spoken with are victims who are police officers themselves. I do not claim to speak for all of them. Each woman who is battered is a unique individual with her own unique experience, but there are many common threads in what women have told me over the years.

When I've written about what women have told me, other women say things like, "That is the story of my life. It's like you were inside my living room or bedroom recording things he said to me. Until I read this, I felt like I was the only one." Women express regret that there are so many other officers who batter women, but at the same time are validated that their intimate partner is not the only cop-batterer; and that his characteristics are shared by other battering officers.

The feedback and validation that I've received from women who have been battered by officers has given me the encouragement and support that I need to continue writing. It gives me hope that my writing is clear, revealing, and gets to the heart of the matter and to the hearts of my readers. I am not going to try to give a balanced account that provides the perspective of the abuser or of the police agency. They will have to write their own accounts. I am reporting what the women have told me.

It is not my intention to offend or bash the individual police officers who are not batterers, nor is it my intention to incriminate all police departments. I have been criticized for painting all officers with the same brush, so I ask you to keep in mind that I am talking about officers who batter, not all officers. I would think it would be insulting if I were to praise officers who are not batterers or police supervisors who are trying to hold batterers accountable — that seems like I'd be saying that officers who do not beat or rape women are the exceptions to the rule. I have to believe the opposite.

I hope that readers will find something of value in my writing, and that, above all, it rings true to the experiences of victims and advocates. It is the victims and the advocates whom I wish to support and validate. I hope to share with them what I have learned about police-batterers and police departments' responses to the problem. I cannot afford not to tell the truth for fear of offending the "powers-that-be." The time has come to speak the truth to power.

Introduction

It is always a volatile situation when a police officer is the perpetrator of domestic violence; it is an explosive situation when both the perpetrator and the victim are officers. Fully comprehending the dynamics of the situation takes more than understanding "Domestic Violence 101." It requires understanding how completely males dominate the profession of policing, and how they have used the institution and culture of policing to preserve and protect male dominance both within the profession of policing and within larger society.

What is different about this book is that it examines how male police officers' institutional power within society and within the police ranks filters down into the intimate relationships of police officers, and why the institution has historically ignored or denied police-perpetrated violence against women. We will begin with a brief look at the history of policing. Particularly how the profession has treated black and female officers. Next, we will explore the institution of policing — its culture and how individuals are indoctrinated, accepted or rejected based on their acceptance of the culture. With such background, we will finally look at domestic violence in the ranks, exploring how the players in the criminal justice system not only ignore domestic violence, but collude with the abuser. We will discuss the impact of community-based advocates losing independence as they depend more on government-based funding. Our conclusion will show that female officers are basically left without resources. It depends on all citizens, not just those in law enforcement to effect change.

What People Are Saying...

Sgt. Amy Ramsay, Ph.D. Executive Director, International Association of Women Police: Wow! Finally, a book that nails the dirtiest secret in policing. This is the best-researched book on the police spousal abuse issue I have ever read. Remarkable. Wake up criminal justice leaders—now the public knows what really goes on, and the truth can't be hidden behind publication bans any longer.

Joan Zorza, Esq. Editor, Domestic Violence Report: Validates the experiences of every woman battered by a police officer, and for anyone who is trying to help or understand what she is going through. We wish it were mandatory reading for all judges, those working in the courts, the police hierarchy and Internal Affairs.

Commander, Internal Affairs: This book is a cold, hard look at police spousal abuse. As a 31-year police officer, it's hard for me to read a book which paints such an unfavorable picture of my profession. My sincere belief is the majority of police officers are honorable people. For those in the minority who abuse their authority, I hope the badge you hide behind is taken so you have nowhere to hide.

Chief Penny E. Harrington, Founding Director, National Center for Women & Policing: Diane Wetendorf has been the pioneer in dealing with the problem of violence in law enforcement families. Women across the nation have turned to Diane for help when the entire criminal justice system turned its back on them. She has bravely documented and talked about the extraordinary challenges these victims face. Every police chief and sheriff should read this book.

Unnamed Female Officer: Your book hit everything right on the head. Some things I hadn't managed to find words for—like the intimidation that's managed without a word. I knew it was there but hadn't put a name to it. I wish every law enforcement administrator and IA investigator would read this book. I also think every female officer should be made to read this! Not only did I see myself in this book but other officers and wives.

Lundy Bancroft, Author/Trainer: Captures the mentality of abusive men with incredible accuracy, and illustrates the critical role abusive cops' allies play in enabling the abuser to manipulate the victim and maneuver the criminal justice system.

Debra K. Hannula, Washington State Attorney at Law: Speaks to the heart of the pain, frustration, agony and loss experienced by victims of domestic violence. Though the book centers on victims who are police officers, it speaks to all victims who encounter abusers of power. These women are often professionals as well, but they are met with disbelief.

Dottie L. Davis, Deputy Chief: Many people are considered experts in the domestic violence arena, but few can claim expertise in the dynamics of police-perpetrated domestic violence. Diane Wetendorf is such an authority. Her book provides a clear and accurate picture of the dynamics in this male-dominated career, and the insurmountable walls facing female officers as victims. A must read for all first-line supervisors, commanders, and Office of Professional Standards investigators.

Cmdr. Krista Osborne, Ph.D. (Ret.): Chillingly truthful, a read for anyone seeking deeper understanding of any system-dynamic involving men and women with the specificity of law enforcement roles and/or male-dominated professions.

Essex County Sheriff Frank G. Cousins, Jr.: Women police officers face a unique set of challenges that their male colleagues never have to confront. This book is a must read for anyone looking to gain a greater understanding of this difficult issue.

Dr. Kim Lonsway, Director of Research for End Violence Against Women International: Diane Wetendorf was the first advocate to develop a program specifically serving the needs of victims of police-perpetrated domestic violence. Her writing style is clear, concise and interpersonally effective.

Evelyn Brom, Co-founder, One In Three Women: I am so impressed that you did not hold back, that you put it all out there and said what needed to be said. Very, very refreshing. Your strength, in words and spirit, is inspiring.

Linda Bubon, Women & Children First Bookstore Co-owner: I wish having it on our shelves was enough to make every woman's book a bestseller! Congrats for tackling an important and neglected subject.

Delaware State Police Trooper: Your information would be of real use and interest when I think about some of the innuendos in conversations with members of my women-in-law-enforcement group.

P.O.S.T. Trainer: I definitely want to order the book. I can also make sure we direct attendees of the Officer-Involved DV courses to your Web site.

Boulder County Corrections Officer: Your work is so important. I will pass it on to anyone I think would be able to use it.

Doctoral Candidate: I am a doctoral student in New York working on law enforcement domestic violence. You are one of a few authors on the topic.

Public Library Acquisitions: Good information for both advocates and survivors of abuse; a resource for criminal justice programs, attorneys and police supervisors.

2007 Conference Attendee: I am copying our Resource Director who orders for our library. I really look forward to reading this book. I will spread the word with our members.

Now in 2nd printing!

Order your copy today!