Because of the unique work domestic violence advocates perform, our social networks include other advocates and counselors. If the agency you work for is closely partnered with law enforcement, or part of a Family Justice Center, you may count police officers and other members of the criminal justice system among your friends and associates. In some instances, intimate relationships develop.
Just as with female officers, your daily exposure to stories of men's abusive behavior can make you vulnerable to a man — especially a police officer — who seems to be a "really nice guy." Just like you, his department perceives him as being a sensitive guy who gets it. These abusive officers are often assigned to DV or sexual assault units because of their ability to deceive.
You are likely to be stunned by your vulnerability. You may feel ashamed and embarrassed because you believe you should know how to recognize and avoid an abusive relationship. You may question your judgment for allowing yourself to be in such a position, and you suspect that co-workers and supervisors are also wondering.
Even though you're a DV advocate, you have the same reasons other women have for not leaving an abusive relationship.
Because people see you as a strong woman and advocate against DV, they may find it hard to believe that anyone can dominate, coerce, or batter you. Your situation obviously puts your employing agency into a difficult position, especially if the abuser is in law enforcement or an officer of the court such as a prosecutor, judge, or city attorney.
It will be difficult for you to seek help from family, friends and/or other service providers. You may not trust local police to respond appropriately. If you want counseling or shelter, you'll probably seek help in another community where you can maintain anonymity. Resources and options are certainly limited if you live in a small town or rural area.
There are many barriers to revealing your abuse:
Both your DV agency and the police department have to protect themselves against the liability that your situation presents. Because this is a workplace violence situation, the agency, as your employer, is liable for your safety.
Though individual supervisors may be sympathetic to you, they must put the agency first. Your situation will strain the relationship between the police department and the agency — a relationship that you may have fostered. You may feel betrayed when they seem more worried about the agency's liability and public image than about you.
Developing a safety plan is complicated by the fact that your abuser is a member of law enforcement. If you are comfortable confiding in a fellow advocate, ask her to help you think through your options and safety risks. Always keep confidentiality issues in mind. A thorough risk assessment must be made to determine whether it is safe to include the local police department in your safety plan. This should include a lethality assessment.
Our book Crossing the Threshold may help you gain a better understanding and perspective on how institutional power filters down into intimate relationships. The Victim Handbook is always a good resource whether you are a victim yourself or helping another advocate.
As you already know, every situation is different. Don't hesitate to contact us — whether you are in need of immediate assistance or developing a crisis intervention plan.
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When the Batterer Is a Law Enforcement Officer
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